I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
