Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
