I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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