Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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