Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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