All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
