Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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