Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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