He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
