Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
