Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
