Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
