Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
