the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
