lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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