i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
