New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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