I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
