Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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