chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
