I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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