This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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