Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
