My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
