I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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