i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Still dying that you shit outside
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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