i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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