how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love having hate sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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