OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
