I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
