My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
