Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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