What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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