Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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