just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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