Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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