2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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