Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
