I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
