I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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