I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
