I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
