I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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