When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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