I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
