god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
