all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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