why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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