HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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