He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
