I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
