apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
