I have demons in me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
