I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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