i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
