I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
