someone threw a dead crab at me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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