you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
