whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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