she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
