well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
