When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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