I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
