halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
