onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
