got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
