True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
