You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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