I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
