There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
