just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
