Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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