my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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