just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
