i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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