I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
