hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
