Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
