If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
