eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
